There are certain things in life that defy all reason or explanation, and one of those things is Comcast. Why, for example, must I pay for Downton Abbey On Demand when the series itself is a public broadcast, meaning its existence (in the U.S., at least) is financed by my tax and pledge-drive dollars? And why (oh, why!?) do I get Disney Junior some days but not others?
Over President’s Day weekend we got Disney Junior all three days. We got it live, on DVR, and On Demand. Then all of a sudden, this Wednesday morning, when Jake and the Neverland Pirates was very much in-demand, it was no longer available On Demand. And that, my friends, was a problem.
“It’s like drug dealers!” fumed my husband as we took turns banging on the remote control buttons like frustrated monkeys. “This is how they get you! They let you have it for three days and then they just take it away, like ‘Oh, now if you want it you have to pay for it.’ And your kids are melting down…it’s like a trap!”
“I don’t understand!” I replied, grabbing the remote from him to try again. “It worked for days!”
But then I remembered that it’s important to set an example for one’s children by remaining calm in times of crisis. So I turned to LittleMan and explained (calmly) that Jake and the Neverland Pirates was unavailable and we would just have to settle for something else. It took several minutes of (calm) negotiating to cycle through grief and acceptance, but ultimately we settled into a Bob the Builder and order was restored in the livingroom. At least you can always count on Sprout. Small mercies.
It is painfully easy to take advantage of parents and force them to pay for things they don’t want or need. The supermarket, with its aisles upon aisles of Star Wars gummy snacks, Lightning McQueen ice cream cakes, and — just to twist the knife a little — pop-up Hot Wheels displays, is just one example. But hijacking TV time is really beyond the pale, if you ask me.
Consider those Thomas the Tank Engine DVDs that are front-loaded with about 30 minutes of commercials and previews that you can’t fast-forward through. What is UP with that? Do the Thomas people not have children of their own? Do they not realize that Mommy doesn’t put on Thomas because she wants to; she puts it on because she needs to. Because she has a conference call, or needs to get dinner on the table, or take a shower, or get ready to go out. Just let me put on “Thomas and the Runaway Balloon” and get on with my business! Don’t make me spend a half hour explaining that no, we are not going to buy the quarry playset today, and no, we will not buy the Barney Anniversary Special on DVD because then Mommy would surely need to stab her eyes out and no one wants to witness that.
(These people get awfully worked up about children’s TV, you are probably thinking. And maybe you are one of those screen-free people. If so, I am sure your kids’ brains yield better fruit than mine. But I am probably the saner one. So there.)
Here is the truth. My kids watch about 50 minutes of TV a day. This is well below the national child average of 90 minutes, so I forgive myself — even when esteemed professors from my alma mater suggest it’s not a great idea (although Dr. Wang does make small allowances “if you’re a busy parent.” Aren’t we all??).
My kids watch 25 minutes of TV in the morning while my husband and I get ready for work, and then they watch 25 minutes after we get home from the park while I unpack the lunchboxes, throw dirty clothes in the laundry, and set the stage for dinner. This is when they have a snack and, lately, fight over who gets to sit on the far left side of the couch. Because that’s the good side, obviously.
I am not necessarily proud of the fact that TV is an integral part of The Routine, but I also admit to myself (and to anyone, really), that — with certain exceptions (see above) — it makes my life a little easier. My 4.5-year-old hasn’t napped in two years; my daughter tries to choke on mini Legos every chance she gets; and those 50 minutes a day give everyone a much-needed zone-out.
I will conclude by admitting that I spent a solid 20 minutes or so yesterday afternoon figuring out how to revive Jake and the Neverland Pirates. In the end, I was successful, and it appears that those chirpy young vagabonds will remain in our lives from here on out, until LittleMan tires of them. For someone who regularly bemoans how little time there is in a day to accomplish anything, this was probably not a practical exercise, but then this morning went more smoothly than yesterday. I am confident in a strong ROI.
You have to pick your battles. Yo-ho-ho!
Cheers to SANITY!