Of all the things that have happened in the past seven years, I can honestly say that the lice ranks in the Top Three events that really sent me around the twist. Like, the lice almost did me in. It wasn't me that got the lice (thank goodness, which I know isn't totally altruistic but...thank goodness). It was poor Babygirl, who took those bugs LIKE A CHAMP. And though I did not get the lice (thank goodness - oh, God, I said it again), I did sit by Babygirl for the entire week she was getting treated for the lice at the Lice-Infested-Family Extortion Company. (Also known as Hair ... [READ MORE]
Safe House
September 4, 2015 by Leave a Comment
It had been a long afternoon, back in early July. Time-outs. Sass. Tongue-sticking-out attitude. One of those afternoons where you hear yourself getting more and more shrill as you try to stem the tide of Bad Behavior that seems -- mystifyingly -- to be sweeping your little family away. Finally, we broke. After a long dinner of stand-offs, LittleMan threw his napkin in my face and clambered out of his seat. I grabbed his arm. "That burger was disgusting," he muttered, and attempted to turn away. I held fast. "What is going on? What is this?" I snapped. I used the napkin to ... [READ MORE]
Sleepwalker
September 1, 2015 by Leave a Comment
I took a vacation with the kids for a week this summer and it was wonderful but...touch-and-go. Not because of the sibling squabbling or the lack of personal space (I might have accidentally stepped on Babygirl three times in one day when she was following me around looking for some ATTENTION!). Certainly not because of the ice cream afternoons and the beach battles and the fact that I actually let them spray me with the water guns for once. Not because of the Hot Wheels bonus on every visit to the grocery store or Mommy's F---it burgers-every-day approach to meals. Seriously, for all ... [READ MORE]
Swim School Mondays
June 30, 2015 by Leave a Comment
Five years ago, on the Fourth of July when LittleMan was just shy of two years old, we attended a lovely baby shower in the guise of a backyard barbecue at a home with a big old pool out back. I don't remember much about the party, though, because I spent the entire day in abject terror that if I took my eyes off LittleMan for even one second he would DROWN. My fear was not entirely misplaced. LittleMan was chasing around a soccer ball at one point, and where did that soccer ball wind up? IN THE POOL, with LittleMan teetering on the edge in pursuit. There were some fascinating big kids ... [READ MORE]
Summer Coming
May 29, 2015 by Leave a Comment
Our closest neighbors are a colony of wild parrots. Actually, the city is dotted with several of these colonies -- yet one more point to add to the quirky, rebellious urbanity that is San Francisco. Only here would thousands of tropical birds mate and multiply and stake their claim on a city park. I can imagine the initial turf war between the parrots and the pigeons, these flamboyantly feathered friends dropping in on their drab, dirty cousins and declaring: This is San Francisco, bitches. Step aside. The parrots hunt -- as parrots do, I suppose -- at dawn and at dusk: rising like a ... [READ MORE]
Third Child
April 24, 2015 by Leave a Comment
When Babygirl was a teeny tot, she loved her babies like a real mama. She lined them up on meticulously smoothed dishtowels. She wiped their faces shiny-clean with baby wipes, and bundled them up safely in her stroller to roam around the apartment. We always took her aptitude for baby care as assurance that she herself was well-attended-to in daycare, kept clean, warm, and well-fed all day long. When Babygirl turned three a friend emailed me a SALE from the American Girl website. "These babies never go on sale!" she assured me. I do love me a sale. And so we acquired Bitty Baby. I ... [READ MORE]
But Where’s the Damn Tooth?
April 14, 2015 by Leave a Comment
If there is one anatomical thing I've learned in the past year it's that teeth are frickin' small. They might look really big in the mouth, and be able to inflict a decent amount of pain, but in actual fact, in the palm of your hand, they are REALLY. SMALL. And if you don't realize this at first, you totally (totally) realize it when you (you, not them) lose one -- after it's already been lost from the head of your child. LittleMan lost his first tooth in late June 2014, on my 36th birthday. My husband was out of town so a friend had stopped by for a glass of champagne, and the kids ... [READ MORE]
